The Cosmos on the Dresser
by Giganicky
Summary: Based on an Italian comedy movie. Italy and China are two pilgrims who meditate with their master, England. Four comedy stories each with a different plot will arrive. Rated T for curse words. A bit of genderbending in the next chapters.
1. Prologue

A Major League Abridgers story

**The Cosmos on the Dresser**

An Hetalia-Axis Powers fanfic

Based on the Italian comedy movie _Il cosmo sul comò _(Italian: The cosmos on the dresser).

**Chapter 1. Prologue**

Two pilgrims, dressed in a long furry robe, arrive to a big tree.

It was winter, a very frosty winter.

They were on the Tibet.

The pilgrims are: Feliciano Vargas, or more simply Italy, and Wang Yao, or more simply China.

Under the tree there was a master, Arthur Kirkland, or more simply England.

"Are you, Master Arthur Kirkland?", asks Italy to England.

"It is I.", says England.

Italy replies: "The one, who is blind, but has an inner sight of ten tenths?".

"What do you want from me?", asks England to the two pilgrims.

"We wandered, around the terraqueous globe – and probably we're going to get a pleuritis – but we're finally here, in front of you.", says Italy.

"Actually, we wanted to go to another master, but we got lost, aru.", says China.

"What are you saying, Wang?", Italy scolds China.

"I-I'm sorry, Feliciano, aru!", China forgives Italy.

"We lost ourselves, Master Kirkland, we want to search our ego!", says Italy to England.

England comes near the two pilgrims... And starts to trounce China and Italy with his wooden rod.

"OW! OW! OW! Why are you beating me up, Master?", snivels Italy.

"Did you see you found yourself? Now you know you have a body. But to find your soul, the road is long and treacherous.", explains England. "We have to meditate. And that is what we will do and thank this Ginkgo biloba tree, which accomodates us under its fronds.".

"Really? Ginkgo biloba? There's not even a leaf on it, it's just firewood, aru!", protests China.

Italy approves: "Well, after all...". But Italy didn't have time to finish his sentence, as England trounced the duo again.

"Thank you, Ginkgo.", says Italy.

"Thank you, Biloba, aru.", says China.

China and Italy sneeze and cough a bit, due to the sheer cold. And the three finally start to meditate.

While the three are meditating, a wanderer comes by and asks England: "Master Kirkland, tell me, what is the meaning of life?".

England answers: "Life's like a breath. No past, no future, there's only the meantime.".

"Thanks, Master Kirkland.", thanks the wanderer.

From the wanderer's robe, a sack of money falls down. China takes it, but England asks him: "Wang, do you have to give something to me?".

"Me? Not at all, aru.", rejects China.

England trounces China a third time, making the money sack chime, and says to him the same line as before, but with a more bossy tone: "Do you have to give something to me?".

"Ah, you mean this, aru?", China hands out the money sack to England, which takes it and hides it stealthly, like if he wants to use it, and finally, he says: "Superfluous money is used for superfluous things. The soul doesn't need any money.".

"Excuse me, Master, but, don't we have to give that sack back to the real owner?", asks Italy to England, only to get trounced by him again.

England says: "And now, let's think about our souls. Let's meditate.".

And then, he unveils a small gong, the Sacred Gong of Wisdom.

"The Sacred Gong of Wisdom!", says a surprised Italy to China.

England beats the gong with a small bat, and Italy and China say dreamful: "So much harmony in this sound...".

But far away, but not so much, there was a volcano covered in snow.

England's Sacred Gong of Wisdom is quite infamous, because it is able to generate natural disasters.

There was a small village on the volcano, with a quartet of citizens singing.

An avalanche starts, due to the gong's sound. The avalanche, unfortunately, hits the village... And tramples the singing citizens.

**END OF CHAPTER**

This story is made for a group created by a good friend of mine, Rocketman1728, the Major League Abridgers. If you like this story, then feel free to join in! Just PM Rocketman1728, the admin!


	2. World's Beach

**Chapter 2. World's Beach**

**DISCLAIMER: Every relationship except the wife-husband ones in this chapter, like for example Belgium and Monaco are the daughters of England, is purely fictional. Well, maybe except the brotherhood relationship betwen Iceland and Norway.**

August 3rd 2012, 5:30 AM

Italy prepared the breakfast for her wife, Louise, or Fem!Germany.

"Good morning, Louise!", says Italy to Fem!Germany. She wasn't listening because she was sleeping.

"Guten Tag, Doiko!", tries Italy again.

"Bonjour!", tries Italy yet again.

"Hey, darling, it's half past five of the morning. We have to go!", says Italy.

But Fem!Germany growls and turns to the other side of the bed.

**Meanwhile, in England's house...**

"I won't get tired of saying this: for doing things good, you need method!", says England. "The number 3 bag, with the suntan oil?".

Chloe Grimaldi, or Mondaco, his daughter, sighs annoyed: "It's heeere, dad.".

Monaco puts the bag near the other bags, but it wasn't where it shoul've been, between the other bags.

In fact, England scolds Monaco: "Chloe! There's a place for everything and that's the place for the number 3 bag!".

Monaco puts the bag where it should be and says to her mother, Emily F. Jones, or Fem!America: "But mama!". Fem!America puts her left hand on Monaco's right shoulder, like if she's saying: "Don't mind about him.".

"Ok, number 8 bag, with fins, masks and snorkels?".

A man with a lot of luggage with him arrives. It is Herakles Karpusi, or more simply Greece, the boyfriend of Emma, or Belgium, Monaco's older sister. He says: "Hi everyone.".

England asks Greece: "Who are you?".

Fem!America answers to England: "He's Herakles!".

England asks again: "Wait, who is this git?".

Belgium says to England: "Daddy!".

England asks once again to Greece: "Where did you sleep?".

"In our house.", answers Fem!America.

"In what room?", asks England.

"In Emma's bedroom.", answers Greece.

England remained shocked by Greece's answers and he screams: "HE SLEPT WITH MY DAUGHTER AND NO ONE TELLS ME ABOUT IT?".

"They are engaged together for 3 years already!", answers Fem!America to England.

"But still, he's not in the list, so we'll put him on the waiting list and if a seat becomes available, I'll check him in.", says England. "The number 10 bag...".

Belgium interrupts England by asking him: "Can I and Herakles go to Athens?".

"I said no already, Emma.", rejects England.

Belgium and Greece beg: "WHY?!", and England answers: "A no is a no, got it?".

England then, harangues the others saying: "Chloe, Emma, luggage in car.".

The two execute England's order, while England lifts the heaviest bag, the number 1, but Greece asks England: "Err, what about me?".

"I'm sorry, we're in overbooking and the check-in is closed.", explains England.

**Meanwhile, in China's house...**

"Oooh, where did I put my wallet?", says a worried Anya Braginskaya, or Fem!Russia, China's wife, near the entrance with her sons: Lili, or Liechtenstein, Lukas Bondevik, or Norway, and Emil Steilsson, or Iceland.

China arrives with a special Hawaiian style jacket and says to his company: "Huh? What are you doing, you didn't load the luggage yet, aru?".

Fem!Russia asks China: "Do you have the car keys, dear?".

"Don't worry, I have the car keys, aru!", answers China.

"You put an Hawaiian jacket! It doesn't do pendant with my summer coat, da!", says Fem!Russia, surprised by China's clothes choice.

"What do I do, disguising myself as an ocelot, aru?", says China to Fem!Russia. "Where are my sunglasses?".

"You've got them on your head, da!", points out Fem!Russia.

Natalia Arlovskaya, or more simply Belarus, Fem!Russia's younger sister, arrives and says to her older sister: "Shall you check, Anya? Aren't you willing to put your sons in the hands of that wacko?".

Belarus was going to the other side of the road. China notes it and says: "Where is she going, aru?".

**Back to England's house...**

England, just to be on the safe side, is pumping up the tires of his car.

"Shall we get on the car?", asks Fem!America.

"First off I check the tires.", answers England.

"Really? At this time of the day?", asks Fem!America.

"Why, is there a pre-estabilished time?", says England.

"I mean, you already controlled the tires when we went to the car wash and then when we refueled the car last day!", asks Fem!America.

"I know, dear, but I'm not trustin' it. Maybe, last night, the humidity made the tyre pressure go downhill.", explains England.

Fem!America replies irritated: "Oh, my goodness.".

**Back to China's house...**

"Where the heck did I put the car keys, aru?", asks China to himself, while searching the car keys.

"Inside the back pocket, idiot!", says Belarus to China.

"Why do you have those tissues-hangings?", asks China to Belarus, asking about the tissues on Fem!Russia's sister's ears.

"My ears are sweating.", replies Belarus.

"Kids, move that allegoric float out of my sight, aru.", says China, who was also angry since the car keys don't enter into the lock of the car's trunk. "It doesn't enter. It's obviously crooked, aru.".

Fem!Russia objects: "Not really, dear. It's just faulty. It was always like that, da.".

But China scolds Fem!Russia: "IF YOU SEE IT BACKLIT, YOU CAN SEE IT'S CROOKED! DO NOT CONTRADICT ME, ARU! Darn it!".

Norway, one of China's sons, says to his dad: "But dad...".

"Shut up, can't you see I'm working, aru?", says China.

"Dad!", says Norway.

"IT'S NOT THE MOMENT! IT'S! NOT! THE MOMENT! GOT IT, ARU?", China scolds Norway roughly.

China tries harder and harder in order to open the car's trunk, and even goes far to break the left taillights with a Kung fu-ish kick. "AIYAH!".

"I don't journey without taillights, do you understand, China blockhead?", Belarus scolds China, who answers roughly: "And I will break the headlights too, aru!".

"You'd like that, huh? But I won't leave my big sister and my children in the palms of a crazy madman!", Belarus scolds China.

**Back to England...**

The group enters the car.

England puts on his driving gloves and asks his relatives: "So, shall we go?".

"Maybe.", answers Fem!America.

"Put your seatbelts.", says England to Monaco, Belgium and Greece.

"The behind ones?", asks an irritated Belgium.

"If they put them like that, there must be a motivation.", answers England, with a very righteous reason.

Belgium, Monaco and Greece put the seatbelts on and England finally goes.

**Back to China's house...**

China continues kung fu kicking the back of the car... Until the trunk finally opens.

However, there was also an antitheft device installed in the car, which activates, making a sound start at full volume.

China tries to turn it off, and he succeds, and finally puts the luggage in the car.

China first puts on Fem!Russia's luggage, and then Belarus's luggage, which she doesn't want to give to China. China however, manages to take Belarus's luggage and puts it on Fem!Russia's luggage.

Fem!Russia whines a bit: "No, my darling, you will damage them! I bought them for the journey, da!".

Belarus says to China: "The front tires are deflated.".

China answers: "So what?".

"So what? It's not safe!".

"I deflated them on purpose, aru. Think that I arrive to a very low overpass, what do I do, I exit from the car and deflate the tires, aru?".

Norway says to China: "But dad, I have to say...".

But he gets the same answer from his dad: "It's not the moment, it's not even the day to say it, aru! Enter in the car, So that I can put the luggage on...".

China notes that there isn't the luggage rack on the car roof and says: "The luggage rack! Goddammit, they stole our luggage rack, aru!".

Belarus says to China: "Oh really? I won't journey with the luggage on the legs like last year!".

Norway tries to take China's attention, once again: "Ehm, dad...".

But China spazzes out: "WHAT A BLOODY NEIGHBORHOOD OF THIEVES! WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO WITH A LUGGAGE RACK, ARU? TO WHO THEY'LL SELL IT?".

And he asks Fem!Russia: "Mobile phone, please.".

Fem!Russia answers: "Dear, you have it on your neck, da!".

China takes the mobile phone and says: "I'm warning England.".

While China has typed England's number on the cellphone, Norway says to China: "You know, dad, this isn't our car!".

China says to Norway: "What are you saying, aru!".

"That's our car!", Norway points it out to China.

China rings off and notices with shock and awe that there is their car, which is the EXACT SAME as the car they put their luggage on, but with the luggage rack on the roof, parked near the car they were putting the luggage in.

That's funny, ain't it?

China mentions to take off quietly their luggage from the car and put it in their car, but to hurry up, as the real owners might come by.

**Back to England and company...**

"It was China. He rang off.", says Fem!America to England.

"Yeah, he calls me to get told off by me. Like hell!", says England.

"Maybe it was urgent.", says Fem!America.

"Yeah, he must thank that git over there. If it was for him, we were in the middle of a rush hour. And instead, look at this. No one!", says England, pointing out the empty roads they're driving on.

"After all, it's August 3rd!", says Fem!America.

Belgium finishes his mom's sentence: "And it's 6 o'clock in the morning.".

"It's 6 o'clock in the morning, but we're horrendously late! Mr. Italy waits us!", says England.

**Back to Italy's house...**

Italy fullfills the luggage with the things Fem!Germany wants to take with her.

He says: "Come on, honey, don't make them wait for us!".

Fem!Germany finally wakes up, but she was heavily annoyed from Italy, as she snorts.

**Back to China and company...**

While in the car, Belarus scolds China: "Only you could've chosen the wrong car!".

China yells: "AND NO ONE DID EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, ARU!".

Norway says: "Dad!".

China, pestered by Norway, says to him: "Shut up! Just go play with your stupid football player figurines, aru.".

Norway answers: "But dad, I like philosophy. Do you know Kant?".

China says: "Yeah, I met him last day. He likes philosophy, aru. Are you really sure he's my son?".

Belarus scolds China: "Well, you're always loitering around!".

China says: "What are you saying, aru! Anya, do you have something to tell me?".

Fem!Russia answers: "What are you saying? It's just that he has different hobbies from his brothers!".

China says: "Different hobbies? In what sense, aru?".

Norway tries to explain it, but China was saying: "I don't want to know it, aru!", as he covered his ears and was singing: "Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala ...".

But Norway finally says: "I'm agnostic, dad!".

China was surprised by Norway's declaration and says: "Agnostic? And I thought you were, aru... Does anyone here know what agnostic means?".

Belarus says with irony to China: "It means homosexual!".

But Belarus knew she was joking, an she says to Norway: "Come here to Auntie Belarus, dear!", and she hugs Norway, while Fem!Russia chuckles. She likes Belarus's irony.

**Back to England and company...**

Belgium asks England: "Dad, please, can you turn on the air conditioning? This car's an oven!".

England rejects: "No, it's unhealthy.".

Fem!America says with her right arm outside of the car, touching the warm chassis: "Those "intelligent" departures...".

England says to Fem!America: "Why, what is it? You remain in London for the first vacation days, you enjoy the peace of the city, and plus you avoid those shabby rush hours in motorways. For me it's a pleasure.".

Fem!America obejects: "What pleasure? You locked us for three days in order to wait that everyone goes to vacation! COME ON!".

"I know, but now look how much freedom there's now!", says England, before chuckling a bit.

"All my friends are on vacation now.", says Monaco.

"A hundred times better HELL than that place.", rants Belgium.

"That's excessive! Why are you saying that?", asks England.

"Please, can I and Herakles go to Athens?", begs Belgium to England.

"Why, is there something you don't like about the place we're going?", says England.

"Tell ME something you like about the place we're going to!", growls Belgium.

"The marble tracks on the beach, the rackets, the scones after the lunch, "You want carpet? You want carpet?", "Good boy! Good boy! Good boy!", the guys getting trampled by the jetskis!", explains England.

Belgium and Monaco however, were very irritated by their dad.

"Come on, honey, just tell me one thing you like of our vacation!", says England to Fem!America, who replies: "What do I like? The return trip.".

England suddenly stops the car and says: "Oh no, we're so NOT going on vacation with that spirit.".

Fem!America, Belgium, Monaco and Greece all rejoice, and England says, before re-accelerating: "That's right, guys!".

England finally arrives at Italy's house, and says, noting that there isn't China's car: "What did I tell you? China and company aren't here yet.".

**Back to China and company...**

"Can you close the window? I can't stand the air arriving!", nags Belarus.

"The side window, no! The air conditioned, no! The radio, no! You are annoying as hell, aru!", says China, annoyed, to Belarus, while closing the side window.

"Stop arguing, let's play a game. Where do you want to go on vacation?", says Fem!Russia.

"I want to go to the Billionaire, the Figas, to St. Tropez...", contemplates Liechtenstein.

"If only...", says a dreamful Fem!Russia.

But China unnecessarily censors Fem!Russia: "I don't want to hear such curse words, aru! Got it?".

"You talk like a scrooge!", says Iceland to Liechtenstein.

"Go grow up, you dwarf.", replies Liechtenstein.

"Mom! She called me a dwarf!", says Iceland.

Fem!Russia acts as a peacemaker: "Stop arguing, we're on vacation, all happy happy happy! Where do you want to go, Norway?.

"I wanna go see an archaelogic site.", says Norway.

"That would be fun.", says sarcastically Liechtenstein.

"He wants to see a bunch of bones, I bet I really was loitering around. I want the DNA evidence, aru!".

"I wanna go to Saturnia. I wanna make out with Ivan there.", says Belarus, referencing her older brother Ivan Braginski, or more simply Russia.

(Saturnia: a spa town in Italy, famous for the spa of the same name of the city.)

"I will blast you off to SATURN, aru!", says China to Belarus. "But now I'm saying to all of you, next year we will go where we want to, aru!".

"You always say that, da!", says Fem!Russia.

China notices a sheet of paper with something wrote on it. He hands it out to Fem!Russia, saying: "Read it, who wrote it, aru?".

"It was the bank.", says Fem!Russia.

China made a look of surprise.

**Back to England and company...**

"Dad, can you please open the door? I have to pee!", asks Monaco.

"No.", rejects England quickly.

"Look, we are here trapped in this junk scrap for over a half hour, what is it, a kidnapping?".

"We'll wait Wang, and then we will buzz Feliciano.", explains England.

"BUT WHY!?", yells Fem!America.

"We always did it like this.", explains England.

Belgium sighs and says: "What a drag! Can I at least take off the seatbelt?".

"No.", says England.

"I have to pee!", says Monaco.

"Can I smoke?", asks Greece.

"You'll smoke in your own house.", rejects England.

"And now, all together.".

_**London Bridge is falling down,**_

_**falling down, falling down.**_

_**London Bridge is falling down,**_

_**my fair lady.**_

...Sing England and company.

**Back to China and company...**

"Anya, you're saying what you're reading with the force of thoughts, aru! PLEASE SPEAK!", says China to Fem!Russia.

"Oh come on, honey, it's just the report of how much I spent with my credit card, da.", explains Fem!Russia with fluted voice.

China takes the paper sheet and reads the text printed on it.

He was shocked, but Fem!Russia said: "Honey, you mustn't read while driving!".

China screams: "**35 THOUSAND RENMINBI, ARU!**".

(Renminbi: the Chinese national currency. 1 Renminbi = 0,157 American Dollars)

Belarus warns China: "WATCH OUT!".

China suddenly brakes near England's car, but the brake was so sudden it flinged a luggage from the luggage rack on the roof. The luggage hits the car's left taillight, which breaks.

England and company hear the crashing sound and remain idle for a brief moment, England exits from the car and goes to warn China, who is arguing with Fem!Russia.

"Now tell me how did you spend 35 thousand renminbi in clothes, if not I will put you in a chest and I will throw you in the Mariana Trench, aru!".

(Mariana Trench: with a depth of 10.994 km/6.856 mi, it is the deepest part of the world's oceans.)

Fem!Russia forgives China: "You're right, honey. We have maybe exceeded due to our vanity, da.".

China scolds Fem!Russia roughly: "We? We? **NO, ANYA! YOU EXCEEDED, ARU!**".

England starts to knock at the pilot sidewindow of China's car, while Belarus scolds China: "You're so tense. You make my big sister pass an hellish life and you rant of two little rags!".

China yells very angry at Belarus: "Two little rags? **DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY LITTLE RAGS YOU CAN BUY WITH 35 THOUSAND RENMINBI, ARU!? **And plus how the heck can I talk with you? You're hideous, you look like the sorceress from The Little Mermaid, aru!".

"Don't lose control, honey.", says Fem!Russia to China.

And Belarus says to China: "Ivan treats me better than you do. Shut up, you don't know anything about femininity.".

China opens the side window where England was knocking and says to him: "What's that face, Arthur? Can't you see we're talking, aru?".

"You broke the taillight.", says England.

"Who gives a crap about it? You put your hand out and you steer, aru! And then who said it was me?", says China.

All of England and China's familiars exit from their cars, while England scolds China: "Oh c'mon, Wang, basically: when leaving, you must be precise! For example, the heavy luggages under, the light luggages and the bags over them! And you can't use those tie-rods, you must use the "spider", it's stronger. Don't you know that luggages can be potential projectiles? And while we're here, I take some stones and I launch them from the motorway!".

Fem!America tries to calm England down: "Oh, come on, Arthur, calm down!"

China says: "I agree with your wife. You'll raise your pressure. Calm. Down. Aru.".

"What calm down? And plus, did you just see how you dressed yourself, Wang? Are you going to Hawaii? You look like a wandering fruit salad.", says England.

"OK, I'll go buzz Feliciano, aru.", says China, while going to buzz Italy.

But England stops China in his tracks by saying and handing out a sheet of paper with a pen: "No, no, no. Stop there, Wang. We have to do the accident report.".

"The what, aru?", says an oblivious China.

"There are 450 pounds of damage.", points out England.

"20 thousand roubles! It's not worth spending all this money, da!", points out Fem!Russia.

(Rouble: The Russian national currency. 1 Rouble = 0,053 American Dollars)

"Excuse me, Anya, what do you mean?", asks Fem!America to Fem!Russia.

"Basically, let's put a lid on this event and let's pretend it never happened like real friends do.", explains Fem!Russia, who says to Fem!America: "What a nice skin you have, Emily!".

"Aww, you make me blush!", says a shy Fem!America.

"She's taunting you. Remember the Cold War?", England warns Fem!America.

"The Cold War ended a decade ago, ahen!", says China.

"Wanna pay only, then be it. We won't do the report and we'll only pay. We're friends, let's do it like this.", says England.

"What paying, aru. There are any damages on buildings, NO. There are any wounded people, NO. The kids are unscathed, YES. What is this funeral face? It's summer, we're all happy, we have to sing, yes, let's sing a song, ahen! ALL TOGETHER!".

And China starts singing "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas, and everyone slowly starts to sing.

But after a bit, England spazzes out, stops the singing, and says: "OK, SHALL I CALL THE COPS? Wang, sign the report or I'll call the cops, my kids are shocked!".

China says: "I don't have any pen, aru!".

Fem!Russia points out: "Honey, you have it on your neck!".

China says to Fem!Russia, while taking the pen: "Can you mind your own buisness please, aru?".

China signs the report. England checks it and says shocked: "You signed under the name of Panda!".

A luggage is thrown violently from Italy's house's bedroom's window, and England yells: "Oh damn, THIS IS AN OBSESSION!".

England's sons, with Greece, exit from England's car, while China's sons and Belarus exit from China's car, and Italy arrives.

"Hey, buddies! The good day is seen from the morning! Is there any problem?", says Italy.

(The good day is seen from the morning: An Italian proverb meaning: It's going to be a nice day.)

"More than one, aru.", says China.

Another luggage is thrown from the window.

England asks Italy: "What's happening, Mr. Vargas? You went crazy!".

Italy replies to England: "Vee, there's a little problem.".

England chuckles and says: "I see it.".

More and more luggages are thrown, and China says: "Where are we, in Pearl Harbour, aru?".

"One of Wang's luggages damaged my car.", explains England to Italy, while pointing out the car's broken taillight.

"Ehm, can I remedy this problem?", asks Italy.

"Why yes, Italy, just sign here.", says England, handing out the paper sheet where the accident report is printed on.

However, an heavy bag is thrown from the window again, disrupting Italy's signing.

"Feliciano, what's happening, aru?", asks China.

"She doesn't want to go with me on vacation, she says she prefers mountains.", says Italy.

"So?", asks China.

"Ehm, you know, my wife's quite moody... This means she changed idea.", continues Italy.

"So?!", asks China.

"She says that...Maybe the hills or the spa are better...She says...", continues Italy, with a babbling voice.

"She says WHAT, aru?", asks China.

"I say that that place PISSES ME OFF! GOT IT?", yells a super-angry Fem!Germany, before throwing another luggage.

"That's right!", Belarus cheers for Fem!Germany, while everyone, except China, England and Italy, clap for her.

"What is it, the Mutiny on the Bounty?", says England to Italy.

"Don't worry, she'll calm down.", says Italy.

China notes a stream of liquid coming from under the car and says: "Oh God, tell me my eyes are deceiving me, tell me it's not what I'm thinking, aru!", and yells to Belarus: "NATALIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!".

Belarus's face pops out from behind the car's right side and she says: "I'm peeing.".

"But you should've peed in Feliciano's bathroom!", says China.

"I didn't want to disturb!", says Belarus.

China contemplates and says to Belarus: "We're in the Middle Ages, and those times weren't bad at all, in those times they BURNED ALIVE sorceresses like you, aru!".

Belarus yells at China at full power: "**AGNOSTICAL!**".

Fem!America asks: "So what do we do for Louise?".

England says to Italy: "Go up and do something for her, Feliciano! She's your wife! Do you have a bit of influence to her or not?".

Italy answers: "Don't worry, Arthur, I know how's Louise. Give her a bit of time to boil and then she calms down!".

Fem!Germany yells to the intercom of Italy's house: "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT CALMING DOWN!".

Italy says to England: "Told you, she's a bit calmer already.".

China arrives and says: "At least, the early bird catches the worm, aru.".

Iceland and Norway arrive, with a football. Iceland asks China: "Daddy, can I and Lukas go play football?".

China replies: "Yes.".

Iceland and Norway run away and yell together: "All right!".

China warns them: "Stay away from the road, aru!".

Fem!Russia takes off a termic bag containing food and says: "Shall we have an appetizer?".

England rants: "At half past six in the morning?".

The group goes to a little park with some food, in order to do their appetizer.

Fem!Germany, with her daughter, Irina Chernenko, or Ukraine, arrives with a tray full of food.

Italy says to China and England: "What did I tell you? You just need to wait!".

"I told you that already, I'm not going in that place!", says Fem!Germany.

Ukraine agrees with Fem!Germany: "Me neither.".

Fem!Russia says to China: "I'm sorry for being late, I took everything there was from the car.".

"Always better this place than that shitty place our dears wanted to go.", says Fem!Germany.

"You want one?", Fem!Russia offers England an appetizer.

"It's not the right moment.", says England.

"Come on!", insists Fem!Russia.

"I have to drive!", says England.

"Oh dear, don't make the others beg.", says Fem!America to England.

Ukraine, Greece, Belgium, Monaco, Liechtenstein, Iceland and Norway are playing football in the park.

"Come on, it's just a toast, Arthur.", says Italy.

"For what?", asks England.

"For the holidays.", answers Italy.

"Whose holidays?", asks England again.

Iceland kicks the football at full power, but it hits England's car, whose owner threats the players: "Oh no, oohhh, no, I will cut a hole on that football of yours!".

China says: "Leave 'em be, they're kids, aru!".

"No, they're YOUR kids.", says England to China.

"Now we'll figure out if they're mine or yours, kids are kids, ahen.", says China.

"No, those are really YOURS.", points out England.

"Kids, go play somewhere else!", says China to the kids.

"Stop arguing! Here are bread, olives and salami...", says Fem!Russia.

"Who wants a cup of chocolate?", asks Belarus.

"There are over 40 Celsius degrees in shadows, Natalia, and you drink an hot chocolate, aru?", asks China to Belarus.

"Drinking hot things makes you feel cooler.", says Belarus.

"WHO THE FUCK SAID THIS BULLSHIT TO YOU, ARU?!", screams China to Belarus.

Italy reads the wrap package of a salami and says surprised: "Wow! 36 euros at a kilogram! Breakfast at Tiffany's.".

(Euro: the currency of many of European states, such as Italy, France, Germany, Ireland, and Austria. 1 Euro = 1,242 American Dollars)

"284 Renminbi at a kilogram, aru! Are you crazy, Anya? I split my back in two while working, and you squander my fortune, aru! I have a standard of living a la Marco Tronchetti Provera without capital, and you squander my money like an epidemic, aru!", rants China.

Liechtenstein runs towards China and says: "Dad, the football trepassed the stadium's gateway!".

China makes an irritated look and shakes his head, and goes to the stadium gateway.

There, he scolds his sons: "Listen to me, we can't continue at this rate, you lose a football a week, ARU!".

"Please, take it back for us!", says Iceland to China, who snorts and climbs the gate.

"What are you doing, Wang? You know this is dangerous!", says Italy.

"You don't know how many times I climbed over, aru!", says China to Italy.

"You need crampons and rock boots!", says England to China.

"You underestimate my moccasins, ahen!", says an overconfident China to England.

Italy warns China: "Remember, you might fall down!".

But China scolds Italy: "Are you maybe an unlucky charm, aru?!".

But right after China ended speaking, the gate opened, and everyone, except China (since he was still climbing the gate) enters the stadium.

China yells for help to the group: "What are you doing, are you leaving me alone, aru? Wait for me! Climbing is easy but descending is harder, aru! Guys! Help! HELP! HELP! You are so a bunch of sons of a bitch, aru!".

After a bit, China, England, and Italy, are sit down on three of the stadium's seats. China contemplates the empty stadium: "I... I've never seen it like this, aru.".

And then, Italy, England and China, with their relatives, spend a bit of their time doing a small campground in the stadium field.

**END OF CHAPTER**


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